Sunday, August 7, 2011

You have nothing to fear but . . .

So, I have this dog.

The dog's name is Jeff.

He was a VERY cute puppy.


He loves to run.  He is great with children.  He is pretty much everything you hope for when you take a flyer and choose to adopt a dog that desperately needs a home.  He also managed to keep his puppy dog cuteness.


Funny thing though.

He really freaking hates these:


To be fair, he's totally scared of them.  I mean COMPLETELY and UTTERLY scared.  Like Rain Man vs. bathwater scared.

Unfortunately this fear manifests itself as Jeff running balls out after poor innocent skateboarders and nipping at their shoes in an effort to make the bad man go away.  We discovered this after he, well, did what I just said.  It was a total mess with pissed off parents, a scared kid, overreacting mothers, policemen, firetrucks and, if you're wondering, something like a small band-aid to cover the scrape on the kid's knee.

Clearly, I was mortified, fearing that Jeff could really hurt someone and that we might have to find him a home if we couldn't get his fear of skateboards under control.

So I came up with a plan.  I googled and I googled, discovering that really the best plan is desensitize him to the sound and appearance of the board.  So I started small, rolling the board in front of him while feeding him delicious treats.  This went very well.

After a few days of this, I decided to up the ante.  I also decided to act like a recent lobotomy recipient.

I went outside.  Got on a skateboard with Jeff on a leash, and hoped to let him roll with me for a bit to desensitize him even further.  So off we went.  We began to pick up speed.  Jeff tried to outrun the evil skateboard.  The evil skateboard carrying me went faster.  Jeff realizes he can't outrun the sonofabitching beast on wheels and decides to go for my New Balance MT101s (turns out, not such a great skateboarding shoe).  CHOMP!  "No, Jeff, No!"

INSERT SLOW MOTION VIDEO OF SKATEBOARD FLYING THROUGH THE AIR

All 185 pounds of my idiot ass went sailing and I came crashing down upon the asphalt.  When I got up, Jeff had this horrible look on his face.  Some combination of ear-lowered fear combined with the knee weakening thought that the evil wheeled thing might rise from the dead.  And just like that, training for the day was over.

I felt awful, both physically and emotionally knowing that if I couldn't get this straightened out, Jeffy well, I don't really want to think about it just yet.

Today though, you'll be happy to know that we made some progress.  We had a neighborhood kid ride his skateboard in front of the house while I fed Jeff some delicious ham as he cruised by.  This went amazingly well and hopefully, with some time, he'll kick this irrational fear.

I don't know if there is any cure for my stupidity though.


By Marcus with 2 comments

2 comments:

Hahaha. Too funny! Probably no help for your stupidity, but i think Jeff will be OK.

Hilarious and sad at the same time! :-) Good luck don't give up. I can relate all to well! I put a post about my own stupidity that involved roller blades and my dog...

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